bar refaeli is candid…

As far as bodies go, Bar Refaeli and Marisa Miller are as close to physical perfection as you’re ever gonna see, so of course I was was gonna post this candid pic of Bar at her 2010 SI Swimsuit photoshoot. Sorry if that bothers you. Maybe instead of reading this you can go dress up your dolls or go look for some more needle point patterns you little fairy.

alessandra ambrosio is hot…

It goes without saying that Victoria’s Secret model, Alessandra Ambrosio is one of the hottest women on Earth. It also goes without saying that my bowties make me look like a gentleman. My granny says I’m such a catch!

my beef with orlando continues…

I guess Orlando Bloom thinks he’s cool because he’s on a yacht grinding on a Victoria’s Secret model’s ass, but when he twisted off his bottle cap this morning did he win a free Mt. Dew? No, I don’t think so. You know who did? Me. That’s right Orlando, I’m the big winner!

orlando bloom is a real sicko…

I was trying to think of some reasons to call Orlando Bloom an asshole because I resent him being at Cannes on a yacht with Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr, but then it dawned on me I’ve never heard anything bad about him. I know one time he had a cold, and I think one of his cousins is adopted. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe he got the cold because he was fucking orphans. Let’s go with that.

Hey did you hear Orlando Bloom rapes little kids? I read it on a prominent website. Oh I know, right. What a piece of shit that guy is.

i hope you die…

I’ve seen Marisa Millers husband a hundred times, and every single time I wanna throw a hammer at his stupid hipster face. What kind of dullard still thinks that haircut is cool? It’s cool in the same sense that a cartoon about a penguin in sunglasses is cool. I’m not even positive what the fuck that means but I’m pretty sure it makes sense.