bar refaeli is candid…

As far as bodies go, Bar Refaeli and Marisa Miller are as close to physical perfection as you’re ever gonna see, so of course I was was gonna post this candid pic of Bar at her 2010 SI Swimsuit photoshoot. Sorry if that bothers you. Maybe instead of reading this you can go dress up your dolls or go look for some more needle point patterns you little fairy.

look tits…

These pictures were labeled “UK TV Star Michelle Keegan In a Bikini”, but I have no idea what a “UK TV star” or a “Michelle Keegan” is, so I’ll just take their word for it. All I know is that she’s a skinny brunette with big tits who doesn’t have to stand on the surface of the sun to get a tan. She might as well be Mary Poppins because that’s probably the most magical thing you’d see on that beach all day.

katherine heigl complains about everything…

Katherine Heigl is a grating, annoying bitch who holds a press conference every time she experiences the slightest inconvenience, so of course she is going to complain about her new movie. Yes, already. Splash News reports:

Katherine Heigl found that having to fake an orgasm for her role in The Ugly Truth was really exhausting. In one particular scene, Katherine’s character has a When Harry Met Sally moment when her character has an orgasm after mistakenly wearing a pair of vibrating pants to dinner and the control ends up in the wrong hands. “Oh, my God, it was a nightmare. It was really exhausting – legs dancing under the table and all the tensing-up of the body. By the end of the day, I felt like I’d run a marathon. No one wants to orgasm 35 times a day.”

Jesus, can anything please this cunt? “No one wants to orgasm 35 times a day”? I mean, I got shit to do too, but I’m sure I could find the time to squeeze into a vagina 35 times a day. I get an hour for lunch, so that leaves me like what, 25 minutes to update Facebook? I’m not really seeing a problem with that.

paulina rubio is kinda hot…

Paulina Rubio is back in Ibiza, Spain this week, and she must love it there because she was there this time last year too. I think she’s still a huge star in Latin America, but that’s really just a guess. I ran a search on her to find out for sure but it turns out she doesn’t exist. Possibly because I spelled her name “Rubino”. I was going to look her up with the correct spelling after that, but it was getting pretty late. I can’t be sitting her all day investigating whether or not certain Latin people exist, you know.

gaga’s got balls…for real…

I would rather investigate gunfire from my childs bedroom than whether or not Lady GaGa has a penis, especially since this quote is at least a year old. But for whatever reason it’s been rediscovered and is everywhere today, so this is what she allegedly once said.

“It’s not something that I’m ashamed of, just isn’t something that I go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but I consider myself a female. It’s just a little bit of a penis and really doesn’t interfere much with my life. The reason I haven’t talked about it is that it’s not a big deal to me. Like come on, it’s not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I’m sexy, I’m hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big fucking deal.”

I don’t know where this notion came from that I have some roster of noteworthy hermaphrodites, but I have no idea if she has a penis or not. The gif is from this video and everyone says you can see it there. People on her message board have talked about it, but finding a reputable source is tough. Especially since I barely even tried.

Lots of websites have posted it but sometimes the internet lies. Like once someone broke into my house and I was very frightened so I signed up for BigTitPatrol.com. The website claims they’re “enforcing the law with big natural tits”, but if you read the fine print you’ll discover these girls have no actual legal authority. This despite countless pictures that clearly show them sexily arresting people. The whole thing is very deceptive.

settle down, grandma…

In what might have been the greatest news of 1991, Sharon Stone has posed topless on the cover of the French magazine, Paris Match. Whatever. They might as well have had Wall * E or Frankenstein on the cover, because this picture was obviously made in a lab.

(Enjoy the banner pic of NSFW granny porn, you know, if you’re into that sort of thing. Pervert.)

To those complaining in their heads, you’re right. Her candids are super sexy. My apologies.

lohan going bald…

I know it’s hard to get better than a flat-assed, freckled drunk whore with a coke problem and a vagina like Ellis Island, but add premature baldness to that list, and oh baby! Will the sexiness ever stop?! Showbiz Spy reports:

After years of abusing various hair products — dyes & extensions, etc. — the Mean Girls actress’ scalp is starting to show. And that’s not all — Lohan usually leaves a trail of red hair wherever she goes! “Lindsay has done so much to her hair, it’s a wonder she hasn’t lost it all!” an insider told American tabloid the National Enquirer. “She overprocesses it and gets too many extensions, which often rip her real hair out. “You know Lindsay has been around when you see these long red hairs everywhere.”

I’m not McGruff the Crime Dog, but you really don’t have to be to tell there might be some differences in the banner picture taken last week and Lindsay’s spread in next month’s Elle. There’s some trickery here I tell, ya! Trickery!

kim kardashian is single…

If you’re a rapper or a marginal NFL player, congrats dude, today is your lucky day! Star Magazine reports:

Kim Kardashian made no secret of her intention to wed her NFL star beau of two years Reggie Bush. But it wasn’t to be. “Kim and Reggie split up today,” her rep Jill Fritzo tells Star. “There was no cheating involved.” Sources tell star the Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ star and the New Orleans Saints running back couldn’t find time for romance due to their busy schedules.

Don’t get excited white dudes. I don’t know if you knew this our not, but Kourtney is the only Kardashian that doesn’t like black guys. Kim and Kong have gotten off more black dudes than Abraham Lincoln, so sorry about your luck, man. If you’re white, and you somehow find your penis in Kim’s mouth, you might want to cover your ears. Because it will be obvious at that point that The Jigsaw Killer is about to give her instructions.

today is hot bitch day…

Ali Larter was walking in Beverly Hills this weekend when I assumed God either made her drop her purse or kneel down and look for something. I hate to give it away, but the pic below has a surprise inside. Good lookin’ out, God!

hey look bikini girl…

I know this site is supposed to be about actual celebrities or whatever, but that was before American Idol’s Katrina Darrell (aka Bikini Girl) decided to prance around in a bikini. She’s not particularly that hot or anything, but she’s hot enough I guess. She has a vagina and my penis likes to go in vaginas, so I guess that can be a good starting point.