look tits…

Keeley Hazell hasn’t been on here in a while, so it’s time to all change that. Especially since she has the greatest pair of tits in the known galaxy. I swear, if my penis got anywhere inside this chick, I’d blow so hard she’d look like a dolphin.

when models play…

Model Imogen Thomas was at a pool in Spain yesterday when suddenly one of her friends ripped her bikini off and the two of them ran around topless. And while I appreciate them showing me their tits, I can’t condone that kind of horseplay. Wikipedia says over 2 million kids die every year from running around pools. No actually I just made that up, but wouldn’t it be awesome. Kids are so effin’ annoying.

kim kardashian is single…

If you’re a rapper or a marginal NFL player, congrats dude, today is your lucky day! Star Magazine reports:

Kim Kardashian made no secret of her intention to wed her NFL star beau of two years Reggie Bush. But it wasn’t to be. “Kim and Reggie split up today,” her rep Jill Fritzo tells Star. “There was no cheating involved.” Sources tell star the Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ star and the New Orleans Saints running back couldn’t find time for romance due to their busy schedules.

Don’t get excited white dudes. I don’t know if you knew this our not, but Kourtney is the only Kardashian that doesn’t like black guys. Kim and Kong have gotten off more black dudes than Abraham Lincoln, so sorry about your luck, man. If you’re white, and you somehow find your penis in Kim’s mouth, you might want to cover your ears. Because it will be obvious at that point that The Jigsaw Killer is about to give her instructions.

look tits…

Lady GaGa fell out of her top again during a concert this weekend. Luckily she has a good body, because from the neck up she couldn’t be any more of a monster unless she had frankenstein bolts on either side and a big zipper across her hairline.

alessandra ambrosio is hot…

It goes without saying that Victoria’s Secret model, Alessandra Ambrosio is one of the hottest women on Earth. It also goes without saying that my bowties make me look like a gentleman. My granny says I’m such a catch!

today is hot bitch day…

Ali Larter was walking in Beverly Hills this weekend when I assumed God either made her drop her purse or kneel down and look for something. I hate to give it away, but the pic below has a surprise inside. Good lookin’ out, God!

mmm megan fox…

ShockTillYouDrop, pulled an exclusive out of their ass and got their hands on the red band trailer for Megan Fox’s new horror-comedy, Jennifer’s Body.

She took on wise-crackin’, leg-humpin’ robots in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and now Megan Fox is wielding a voracious appetite and going head-to-head with Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer’s Body, 20th Century Fox’s horror offering arriving on September 18th. Screenwriter Diablo Cody (Juno) whipped up this hellish tale about a high school cheerleader (Fox), screwed over by a visiting rock band, who becomes possessed by a demon and begins to feed off of the fellas in her town.

Zombies and demons should really look into hot chicks. It would definitely make it a little easier on them. Megan Fox could tear my leg off after she finished my liver and there’s a good chance I’d probably still cum at some point.

Megan’s body:

look tits…

Mary Louise Parker is in this months Esquire magazine, and you have to hand it to the foppish dandies over there, because they’ve once again managed to describe a super hot naked girl in the gayest way possible.

A few times now you’ve given Esquire your image – your long platinum neck, your deep Guinness eyes staring out from the photos, your movie-star nose, twitched a little, your long body lounging on our pages.

I have no idea what Lord Queerington is talking about, but that’s nothing new with Esquire and GQ. They should rename those magazines Restraining Order Digest and Exfoliating Weekly because that’s all they ever fucking talk about. A magazine about socks and truffle oil for guys is about as useful as a fantasy football guide for girls. Oh, what’s that Esquire? Brooches? For men? Ohhh, do I dare?!?!

bar refaeli is naked…

I have no idea what or who this video is for, but it’s two minutes of a naked Bar Refaeli writhing on a couch, so it could be an ad for drowning puppies or pyromania, and I think I’d be okay with it. Not really sure why they used some music that Jennifer Aniston probably listens to when she feeds the garden hose in her tailpipe through her window, but that’s really not a dealbreaker. Especially since I became a recent fan of tan lines. As previously stated, it’ll just make it easier for me to find it in the dark.

Since pictures have been scarce lately, I’m making this post a Bar Refaeli blowout out bonanza! Oh, btw, depending on where you work, this video may be considered NSFW. Much like your erection:

vanessa minnillo is single…

After three years of dating, Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey have split. You know, not that I really give a damn. Star Magazine reports:

“They have amicably split but remain good friends who still greatly care for one another,” Vanessa’s rep said. Talk of trouble has followed the duo for months. Back in May, Star reported that Nick was hitting on a Jessica look-alike at a Kentucky Derby party — the night after he kissed another girl at a club.

So to recap, a chick who barely anybody knows dumped some guy that you liked when you were 14 then realized that boy bands are gay so you banged the guy in your high school who sold drugs and drove that new Jeep. Except it really wasn’t his Jeep it was his dad’s because his dad was rich and the guy was just a wigger you thought was cool because he wore his hat backwards and used words he learned on BET and listened to rap because he could identify with it because how he was raised in that gated community on the golf course where his mom got drunk that one time and slipped, hey you remember that? He even had a pitbull because after all that’s what black people do and he felt that if he did he could be black too, because black people are cool because they can like dance and stuff and rent Ferrari’s for a day when they do a videoshoot and sip champagne when dey thurstay. I guess I could ramble on a little more, but I hope this clears this whole story up.