the jacksons will sue. someone.

After a series of private discussions, the Jackson family have decided to bury Michael to sue the people responsible for Michaels death. Just as soon as they figure out who that might be, if indeed it was anyone. Radar Online says…

While the Jacksons are likely plaintiffs, it is unknown at this point who the defendant or defendants would be … family members are taking a hard look at the doctors who treated Michael and want to sue whether or not the doctors face criminal charges. (A source says), “They are determined to sue, even if there is no arrest.”
Joe Jackson is leading the family charge on this, says the source, but Jermaine, Tito, Marlon and LaToya are with him.

That may seem like an all-star team of retards, but they’re serious, and Joe has already filed paperwork with the courts announcing his intentions. Although the paperwork was just a drawing of Joe holding bags with dollar signs on them next to a stick figure of Michael with X’s for eyes. There was also a hot tub filled with “bitches”, and above all that was a plane and a fire-breathing dragon. It’s not clear if Joe plans on getting a dragon proof plane or a dragon to guard his plane or a dragon to attack other peoples planes, but keep in mind this was just the first draft.

lisa marie presleys turn to talk…

On her MySpace blog posted on Friday called, “He Knew”, Lisa Marie Presley says that Michael Jackson always knew he was going to die like her famous father. This is only an excerpt, because apparently she has a lot of free time to write long-winded, rambling MySpace blogs at noon on Friday.

Our relationship was not “a sham” as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a “Normal life” found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much. I wanted to “save him” I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened. His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn’t know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then. At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself. He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated. When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad. Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson’s being or actions. I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him.

Um, no. Comparing Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley is like comparing a BMW to a Mercedes. Yeah, they’re both kinda the same thing, except one doesn’t have a pair of little boy’s Underoos in the glove compartment.

$60K per month on drugs, 40 vicodin a day…

As you probably already know, Michael Jackson took a lot of drugs. What do we now define as “a lot”? Hold on to your fucking hat. The Sun reports:

The ailing Thriller star was said to have consumed “mountains of medication” as he battled numerous disorders in the year leading up to his death. Many prescriptions were bought under the fictitious name Omar Adams. As well as the narcotic pain reliever Vicodin, 50-year-old Jacko gorged on other drugs like muscle relaxant Soma and sedative Xanax….Family lawyer Brian Oxman told us yesterday: “Randy (Jacko’s brother) was due to be sent a copy of the autopsy yesterday, but the coroner’s office still haven’t sent it. “But the autopsy details from you are — as you can expect — unbelievably awful, horrifying reading. “The family response? ‘Oh My God’. That’s what they shouted. They kept saying, ‘Oh My God’. “They suspected the drugs were harming Michael — but not as badly as this. They are beside themselves, it’s truly, truly, awful. What is crucial to them is not the drug types Michael was taking, but the quantities he was taking them in. “This is a huge and major concern. During Michael’s court trial he was taking 40 Vicodin a day — and this may have even increased. “It’s an insane amount of drugs to be given — and to be taken.”

Jesus. 40 Vikes a freakin day?? I wouldn’t give the Cloverfield monster or the Kraken 40 Vicodin a day. The only reason you’d give somebody that much drugs in a day is if they were attacking Tokyo and Godzilla couldn’t be reached on his cell.

michael jackson has no biological kids…

I realize that’s easy to assume that a black man would have three blonde hair, blue eyed babies, but apparently that’s not the case. I really need to stop and walk around the room, because if I can be honest, I really didn’t see this coming. TMZ reports:

We’ve learned Michael Jackson was not the biological father of any of his children. And Debbie Rowe is not the biological mother of the two kids she bore for Michael. All three children were conceived in vitro — outside the womb. Multiple sources deeply connected to the births tell us Michael was not the sperm donor for any of his kids. Debbie’s eggs were not used. She was merely the surrogate, and paid well for her services in the births of Michael Jr. and Paris. In the case of Prince Michael II (the youngest), we’re told the surrogate was never told of the identity of the “receiving parent” — Michael Jackson. Three days after Prince was born at Grossmont Hospital in San Diego County, Jackson’s lawyer came to the hospital to pick the baby up and deliver him to Michael. We do not know if Jackson chose the sperm or egg donors or if he even knew who they were. Although Rowe is not the biological mother, it’s not a slam dunk that she would lose a custody battle. This type of case has never been litigated in California courts. Since Rowe was married to Jackson when Michael Jr. and Paris were born, there’s a presumption that she’s the biological parent. That presumption can be rebutted by other evidence. We know there are documents outlining the whole arrangement for the birth of all three kids. Nonetheless, it’s still an open issue with the courts.

Man, I really don’t know how I’m going to get over this. You mean to tell me that those kids weren’t his? How could that be so? He said they were, he said that Rowe was their mother, and the courts agreed. But, wow, it turns out they weren’t. It’s like his whole life was a lie. I think I’m gonna go lie down.

UPDATE: The bilogical father of Michael Jackson’s children is Arnold Klein, his dermatologist and Rowe’s former boss. Sexxxy!!

michael jackson’s doctor is missing…

It has been confirmed that Michael Jackson received a daily shot of Demerol, and that his family was attempting to put him in a drug treatment facility in Palmdale, California for his addiction to morphine and other painkillers. This may come as a complete surprise, but the doctor who administered those daily shots is nowhere to be found. Gee, I wonder why? TMZ reports:

We’ve learned law enforcement is looking for a doctor who lived at Michael Jackson’s home — and the doctor is nowhere to be found. Law enforcement sources tell us a BMW belonging to the doctor was towed from Jackson’s home last night. Cops are looking to interview the doc. A law enforcement source says the doctor gave Jackson an injection before he died.

I was just told last night that I might be a little too sensitive and caring towards others, but wow, a daily shot of Demerol? What, was Michael Jackson injured Vietnam or a cage fighter or something? I’m pretty sure we would have heard about that by now. I don’t think a shark attack victim or Robocop would get a daily intravenous narcotic for twenty years. I admit, those gold tassels on his shoulder pads and carrying that umbrella probably put a heavy strain on his back, but light stretching may have helped. Of course, I got my medical license in Malaysia, so there’s a good chance I have no idea what I’m talking about.

1958-2009

Michael Jackson was rushed by ambulance to the UCLA Medical Center just after 1pm pct. TMZ says he suffered cardiac arrest and paramedics administered CPR in the ambulance. A family member told them, “he’s in really bad shape.” The original 911 call was placed at 12:21pm. The ambulance would have been dispatched sooner, but Perez thought he saw a spider and spent the next two hours on Twitter begging people to call the police.

HOLY SHIT UPDATE – TMZ now says Jackson has died at the age of 50. “Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon at his Holmby Hills home and paramedics were unable to revive him. We’re told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back. A source tells us Jackson was dead when paramedics arrived.”

2:38pm UPDATE – X17 is also being told that Jackson has died. “Michael Jackson arrived at the UCLA Medical Center at 1:10pm this afternoon after reportedly suffering from cardiac arrest approximately two hours ago. Two SUV’s followed Jackson’s ambulance to the hospital and we’re told by eyewitnesses that about ten people emerged from the two cars … Captain Steve Ruda of the Los Angeles Fire Department told the LA Times that when paramedics arrived, (Jackson) was not breathing.”

3:01pm UPDATE – the latest LA Times update, posted less than 20 minutes ago, reads: “Michael Jackson is in a coma and his family is arriving at his bedside.”

3:12 UPDATE – Radar Online is reporting that Jackson has in fact died. “Michael Jackson has died, RadarOnline.com has confirmed. The singer passed away Thursday afternoon at UCLA Medical Center.”

3:19 UPDATE – OK magazine says, “OK! has learned from sources that Michael Jackson has passed away at the age of 50.”

FINAL UPDATE – the Los Angeles Times and CBS confirm Michael Jackson has died, at age 50 from cardiac arrest. “Pop star Michael Jackson was pronounced dead by doctors this afternoon after arriving at a hospital in a deep coma.”