Brace yourself for the shock of a lifetime, but new reports are claiming Gwyneth Paltrow is a stuck up pain in the ass. Oh I know right! Fox News says…
A source says some of the “Iron Man” team had secret hopes of her character being recast, or even killed in the movie, but are resigned to the likelihood that she is locked in as the character Pepper Potts.
Gwyneth did nothing to make friends with fellow superhero Scarlett Johansson.
“Gwyneth is not friendly to anyone, and tends to make people feel awkward and uncomfortable. She wasn’t outright rude to Scarlett, she just didn’t ever speak to her. Gwyneth went out of her way to avoid Scarlett, and they had zero contact, at Gwyneth’s choosing.”
“Much of the crew didn’t mind hanging out with her husband, Chris, but if Gwyneth ever came around, they scattered! Chris is so chill and relaxed and she is just the opposite. Chris has been a crew favorite since the filming of the first movie.”
Paltrow is just jealous. Scarlett is better, hotter, younger, and in this movie that they’re both in, Gwyneth is a frumpy secretary, and Scarlett is a sexy super villain. Gwyneths only super power is the ability to make everyone wanna punch her in her stupid face.
I know it’s hard to get better than a flat-assed, freckled drunk whore with a coke problem and a vagina like Ellis Island, but add premature baldness to that list, and oh baby! Will the sexiness ever stop?! Showbiz Spy reports:
After years of abusing various hair products — dyes & extensions, etc. — the Mean Girls actress’ scalp is starting to show. And that’s not all — Lohan usually leaves a trail of red hair wherever she goes! “Lindsay has done so much to her hair, it’s a wonder she hasn’t lost it all!” an insider told American tabloid the National Enquirer. “She overprocesses it and gets too many extensions, which often rip her real hair out. “You know Lindsay has been around when you see these long red hairs everywhere.”
I’m not McGruff the Crime Dog, but you really don’t have to be to tell there might be some differences in the banner picture taken last week and Lindsay’s spread in next month’s Elle. There’s some trickery here I tell, ya! Trickery!
Even though Jennifer Love Butter is a size 2, she’s always hiding her ass for some mysterious reason. Which is why, even though she spent the weekend in Hawaii with boyfriend Jamie Kennedy, these are the only pictures of her in a bikini. Kennedy went swimming, but she was busy “modeling”. Presumably for From The Neck Up Magazine because her other 95 percent is a complete mess.
Didn’t she used to have tits? No one part of her body matches any other. Skinny face, huge ass, thin legs. She’s just a bunch of different parts thrown together, like Frankenstein.
UPDATE:
I just found this new picture…from behind…
I think we can go ahead and assume the photoshoot she’s in hawaii for wasn’t sports related. I’ve seen a lot of ads for basketball, but I don’t think I’ve seen one end with a breathing treatment and a dozen cream filled.
Remember when Johnny Depp tipped a waiter $4000 two weeks ago? Okay, well this is the exact opposite of that, mainly because Depp understands his good fortune in life and is grateful for it, whereas Lindsay Lohan is a spoiled whore. The Sun says…
LINDSAY LOHAN found herself locked out of SAMANTHA RONSON’S flat last night (and had to) call a locksmith after losing her keys.
The 23-year-old star walked around the entrance of the house as the locksmith started working on the door, watched by Lindsay’s pal Christy.
She then found an open window and exclaimed, “What the f***, the lock just came undone. You know what sir, we already got in, thanks. We just broke in. We just found a way in.”
She then refused to pay the man’s call out fee, claiming he was asking for $300.
“This guy… is asking me to pay him but he didn’t get me in, Christy did. Can you tell him? He didn’t even get me in,” she told a photographer outside her home.
“He’s trying to charge me $300. I’ve paid these guys before, $80, and now he wants money for trying to get me in, he didn’t do his job!”
Wow Lindsay really showed him. If you didn’t read that whole thing, here are the cliff notes: Lindsay called someone to do a job then decided she didn’t want to pay and told the guy to go fuck himself. His job, I should mention, is to defeat even the most complicated of locks and gain access to peoples homes, quickly and silently, often in the dead of night.
Al Roker. He is the weatherman. He is my shining star. He is a black man. He is Al Roker. He interviewed Heidi and Spencer and was kind of a big meanie.
From Al’s Twitter:
Heidi and Spencer are an interesting couple. famous for…being infamous. Bad and vacuous behavior. I think we’re at minute 11 of their 15.
Heidi on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show, from TMZ:
“I was shocked at how rude he was – I was crying afterwards because I couldn’t believe I felt personally attacked … I wanted to say to him, do you feel proud of how you’re talking to me right now? I’m just a young woman and you’re coming at me so aggressively and meanly [sic] and mean-spirited.”
So…Spencer slapped a chick in the face? Really? Why isn’t everyone talking about that? Yeah. Moving on. I love Al Roker. Love love love him. I want to send him a bucket o’ chicken/tired racial stereotype.
It was fun to listen to Spencer try to explain how he wants to be a villain in reality competition shows, but a hero in real life. Spencer, a hero. What would he have to do to shed his douchebag image? Rescue 100 orphans from a burning building? Nah, he’d still be a douchebag. I think douchebag is a bit too nice, and kinda overused. From this moment on, he is an enemanozzle. Doesn’t really roll off the tongue, but it is gross.
On to Heidi. Actually, I’m really sick of talking about these people, so can we please just send her off to a glue factory or rendering plant? Thanks.
Tony Robbins moment: If you are having self esteem issues, just have a look at these awful people. You will feel tons better, I promise.
If you we’re making an episode of the A-Team, and you needed to establish how evil your bad guy was, one way to show that would be to have them living it up in a big mansion while the town they rule is real poor. And they could walk the streets drinking delicious water in front of little kids on the verge of dehydration. This clip of Kate Gosselin is like that, except it’s real life, and instead of random Mexican kids, it’s her own god damn daughter.
Here we see Plus 8 chasing fireflies and playing kick the can. Oh wait no they’re in a television studio so Kate can use them as props while she does an interview. While they wait, Mady says she’s thirsty. Kate ignores her. Mady says it again. Kate asks for a bottle of water, then takes a sip herself, then puts it away. Mady is, at best, three inches away when this happens. Mady says, “You’re really really mean, you drank it right in front of my face.” And Kate says, “Be quiet.” Then, FOR THE SECOND GOD DAMN TIME, Kate pretends as if she’s going to give a sip of water to adorable little girl, but then doesn’t.
It’s…I can’t…even….she’s so cold, it feels like watching Ralph Fienes shoot that little kid in the back in Schindlers List. And he was a Nazi. Who ran a concentration camp. Even crocodiles provide for their kids, and they eat half of them.
In the least surprising (well, maybe not the least surprising), it has been confirmed that bolt-on attention whore Heidi Montag has posed for Playboy. I mean, what the hell else was she gonna do? People reports:
Details of her Playboy photos are, um, scant: “There is nudity. It’s tasteful – she had a lot of fun with it,” says a second source. A rep for the magazine had no comment, and Montag’s rep was not immediately available to respond to questions.
For Heidi’s sake, I really hope showing her tits and spreading her legs for the camera finally gives her the attention she so desperately craves. Also for her sake, I hope her tits look like orbs of God’s love and her vagina shoots out rainbows, because after this, that’s gonna be pretty much it. Mostly because the rest of her looks like something you’d have to euthanize after she broke her leg at the track.
Finally convinced that she’s a whore, Doug Reinhardt released a statement today about his break up with Paris Hilton. TMZ reports:
“Doug refuses to take part of this ridiculous media circus. He wishes Paris
and all of her future boyfriends the best of luck.” Guess he doesn’t think Ronaldo will be “The One?” And to add to it all, sources close to Doug told us, “Contrary to reports, Paris is begging him to take her back, she made a mistake and loves him 100%.”
Paris Hilton’s vagina is like Ellis Island, so of course she’s probably banging some other guy while I’m typing this. At least Doug Reinhardt seems pretty calm and nonchalant about this whole thing. Although I’m pretty sure that’ll all change when he can’t explain the green tentacles growing on his penis. Dude, you should probably get that looked at.
Dr. Drew Pinsky, the host of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, is worried about Lindsay Lohan. From an interview with Parade:
“I’m convinced that she’ll get sober one day. But I’m afraid that between now and then, she may get a nearly mortal wound of some type. I’m really convinced that something horrible is going to have to happen to her before she really gets over it and embraces sobriety. She needs to give it up. And it’s going to be a while before she does. I have this image that she’s going to lose a limb or something before she does. And it scares me.”
I hope Dr. Drew is psychic, because I think a stubby little arm-stump would look so right on Lindsay, somehow. If I ever saw Lindsay the One-Armed Cokewhore on the street, I’d try to high five her so she’d feel bad about herself. Have you ever seen those awesome ironic amputee tattoos? Well, Lindsay wouldn’t get one, because she isn’t awesome. Look on the bright side though, Lindsay. Maybe Sam Ronson would take pity on you and take you back. Doesn’t Sam look sickly all the time? Like an extra in the Thriller video.
Sacha Baron Cohen is being sued once again, this time by a woman named Richelle Olson who claims she was severely injured during an altercation with Cohen at a bingo hall during the filming of “Bruno”. She says she now needs a wheelchair or cane to move around as a result. MSNBC says…
According to the lawsuit, Baron Cohen started using vulgarities while calling the second bingo game in front of a mostly elderly audience.
A struggle ensued after Olson tried to grab the microphone away from Baron Cohen. She claims he then called his camera crew over, who attacked her for at least a minute, hoping to “create a dramatic emotional response.
Olson’s suit states she ran from the stage and was found moments later by a co-worker, sobbing uncontrollably. She then fell to the floor, hitting her head on a concrete slab.
Wait, what?
Olson’s suit states she ran from the stage and was found moments later by a co-worker, sobbing uncontrollably. She then fell to the floor, hitting her head on a concrete slab.
Wait. Seriously? So she fell down later. When Cohen was somewhere else. And she’s suing for that? What’s the window on that kind of thing because George Clooney held a door open for me in 2004 but the door kind of hit me a little and then last week I spilled hot coffee on my groin. Because I was driving, I could do little as my groin became very uncomfortable and the scalding hot liquid soaked through the groin area of my pants, all the way to my groin. Would I have done that if I hadn’t been attacked by Clooney? Is he above the law? That’s for a jury to decide.
