kim kardashian is single…

If you’re a rapper or a marginal NFL player, congrats dude, today is your lucky day! Star Magazine reports:

Kim Kardashian made no secret of her intention to wed her NFL star beau of two years Reggie Bush. But it wasn’t to be. “Kim and Reggie split up today,” her rep Jill Fritzo tells Star. “There was no cheating involved.” Sources tell star the Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ star and the New Orleans Saints running back couldn’t find time for romance due to their busy schedules.

Don’t get excited white dudes. I don’t know if you knew this our not, but Kourtney is the only Kardashian that doesn’t like black guys. Kim and Kong have gotten off more black dudes than Abraham Lincoln, so sorry about your luck, man. If you’re white, and you somehow find your penis in Kim’s mouth, you might want to cover your ears. Because it will be obvious at that point that The Jigsaw Killer is about to give her instructions.

kim kardashian has awesome tits…

I don’t like when Kim Kardashian does stuff like this because, well for one her shirt looked see-thru in the thumbnails and it’s not, but also because when she flaunts her chest I forget how annoying she is. If we had sex it would be aggressive grudge sex because I hate her, but at the same time I’d be in love with her big awesome tits (reminder below – with some NSFW playboy – in case you forgot). I’d have to bury my penis in hot sand for an hour just before we started to numb it if I wanted to last more than 30 seconds.

kim kardashian’s tits aren’t engaged

Yesterday, Kim Kardashian’s publicist, whose job it is to keep this whore’s name in the news, “mistakenly” told Star Magazine that Kim Kardashian was engaged to New Orleans Saints running back, Reggie Bush. Almost immediately, she took to her blog to deny the story. Oh, my! What controversy!

“I am not engaged!!! My new publicist was talking with Star Magazine earlier today and accidently referred to Reggie as my fiance so they posted the news on their website! There have been so many rumors flying around recently about Reggie and I being engaged that she assumed we were! So, sorry Star Magazine for ruining your exclusive! It’s totally my publicist’s fault haha. She said she gets so many wedding
requests she thought we were actually engaged. The rumors about me picking out my ring recently are also not true! I don’t know where all this comes from!! Don’t worry guys, you will be the first to know if and when I get engaged!!… Well after I tell my family, of course! .

Who knows if these two are engaged or not. I poured myself a drink and stepped out on my balcony to ponder it, but as it turns out, I don’t give a fuck.

seriously, what the hell?

I’m too lazy/indifferent to look it up, but … seriously. What the fuck? What’s the deal with the Kardashian sisters? Do they all have the same dad? There’s no way they all have the same dad. Why is that one so big? It’s like their mom got raped by Chewbacca. There’s no way this is normal. She might have gigantism. Or that thing Lincoln had. Marfans? Either way they need to get her to a hospital to have this looked at before she goes crazy, climbs a building and swats down planes. Our human military will be powerless to stop her, our earth weapons only make her angry.

A man named Zak thinks this beast is sexy. He likes big girls. That is all.

they taste just like candy…

Kim and Kourtney Kardashian went rollerblading in Miami this week, and Kourtney is clearly hotter than Kim so if she plays her cards right I may let her have sex with me, but I’m concerned because whatever race they are looks like it would be covered in hair. That’s why Asian chicks are the best. They have really soft skin and are practically hairless. These two look like things could really go to hell fast down there. In two weeks it would be like a pelt, like a raccoon tail was hanging out of her. Like they would start to pant if it was hot out.

This post was actually supposed to be flattering. Not so sure that worked out.