bar refaeli is candid…

As far as bodies go, Bar Refaeli and Marisa Miller are as close to physical perfection as you’re ever gonna see, so of course I was was gonna post this candid pic of Bar at her 2010 SI Swimsuit photoshoot. Sorry if that bothers you. Maybe instead of reading this you can go dress up your dolls or go look for some more needle point patterns you little fairy.

look tits…

These pictures were labeled “UK TV Star Michelle Keegan In a Bikini”, but I have no idea what a “UK TV star” or a “Michelle Keegan” is, so I’ll just take their word for it. All I know is that she’s a skinny brunette with big tits who doesn’t have to stand on the surface of the sun to get a tan. She might as well be Mary Poppins because that’s probably the most magical thing you’d see on that beach all day.

paulina rubio is kinda hot…

Paulina Rubio is back in Ibiza, Spain this week, and she must love it there because she was there this time last year too. I think she’s still a huge star in Latin America, but that’s really just a guess. I ran a search on her to find out for sure but it turns out she doesn’t exist. Possibly because I spelled her name “Rubino”. I was going to look her up with the correct spelling after that, but it was getting pretty late. I can’t be sitting her all day investigating whether or not certain Latin people exist, you know.

settle down, grandma…

In what might have been the greatest news of 1991, Sharon Stone has posed topless on the cover of the French magazine, Paris Match. Whatever. They might as well have had Wall * E or Frankenstein on the cover, because this picture was obviously made in a lab.

(Enjoy the banner pic of NSFW granny porn, you know, if you’re into that sort of thing. Pervert.)

To those complaining in their heads, you’re right. Her candids are super sexy. My apologies.

hot bitch in a bikini…

Ashley Hartman is in Hawaii today, looking terrific in this kick ass bikini. If you don’t remember, she used to be on the “O.C.”, but unfortunately things have been a little quiet since then. I offered to make a sex tape with her to get some publicity but she said no and that things like that were beneath her. It was sad really. Seems like Ashley has a lot of growing up to do.

katy perry does it again…

Katy Perry did her best to look hot this weekend in Miami on her way to the Katy Perry Pool Party (i have no idea). So she wore a nice little pink bikini. Then of course she ruined everything, as is her habit, by putting some aquamarine wrap thing over it (see below), like a less-fuckable Statue of Liberty.

Not that it really mattered. Even in the bikini, she’s hot, but in a very boring and antiseptic way. She’s hot like the fighting Notre Dame guy is Irish, or Grandparents Day is a holiday. Sorta but not really.

size 2 is in hawaii…

Even though Jennifer Love Butter is a size 2, she’s always hiding her ass for some mysterious reason. Which is why, even though she spent the weekend in Hawaii with boyfriend Jamie Kennedy, these are the only pictures of her in a bikini. Kennedy went swimming, but she was busy “modeling”. Presumably for From The Neck Up Magazine because her other 95 percent is a complete mess.

Didn’t she used to have tits? No one part of her body matches any other. Skinny face, huge ass, thin legs. She’s just a bunch of different parts thrown together, like Frankenstein.

UPDATE:
I just found this new picture…from behind…

I think we can go ahead and assume the photoshoot she’s in hawaii for wasn’t sports related. I’ve seen a lot of ads for basketball, but I don’t think I’ve seen one end with a breathing treatment and a dozen cream filled.

jessica simpson is a drunk…

There have been quiet rumors for a while now that Jessica Simpson has always been an undercover alcoholic, so of course one of the first few times she goes out after she got dumped she got completely shitfaced. But let’s not get carried away. A drunk Southern blonde chick with big tits is only a danger to herself. And my heart.

gemma atkinson is a good model…

Model Gemma Atkinson and her new boyfriend Liam Richards (not pictured) are in the Caribbean this week, and I have no idea who the hell Liam Richards is, but he should walk around taking pictures of every thing he sees and cherishing every moment, because this is undoubtedly the best week of his life. Maybe he can fuck a golden beam of sunlight or a big box filled with diamonds one day, but other than that, Gemma Atkinson is pretty much the best thing on earth.

look tits…

Keeley Hazell hasn’t been on here in a while, so it’s time to all change that. Especially since she has the greatest pair of tits in the known galaxy. I swear, if my penis got anywhere inside this chick, I’d blow so hard she’d look like a dolphin.