bar refaeli is candid…

As far as bodies go, Bar Refaeli and Marisa Miller are as close to physical perfection as you’re ever gonna see, so of course I was was gonna post this candid pic of Bar at her 2010 SI Swimsuit photoshoot. Sorry if that bothers you. Maybe instead of reading this you can go dress up your dolls or go look for some more needle point patterns you little fairy.

look tits…

These pictures were labeled “UK TV Star Michelle Keegan In a Bikini”, but I have no idea what a “UK TV star” or a “Michelle Keegan” is, so I’ll just take their word for it. All I know is that she’s a skinny brunette with big tits who doesn’t have to stand on the surface of the sun to get a tan. She might as well be Mary Poppins because that’s probably the most magical thing you’d see on that beach all day.

paulina rubio is kinda hot…

Paulina Rubio is back in Ibiza, Spain this week, and she must love it there because she was there this time last year too. I think she’s still a huge star in Latin America, but that’s really just a guess. I ran a search on her to find out for sure but it turns out she doesn’t exist. Possibly because I spelled her name “Rubino”. I was going to look her up with the correct spelling after that, but it was getting pretty late. I can’t be sitting her all day investigating whether or not certain Latin people exist, you know.

angelina is frisky…

While walking the red carpet Monday night for the Hollywood premier of “Inglorious Basterds”, Angelina Jolie talked a little about how much she loves gettin it on, and how she and Brad Pitt seek out new and different places to stick it to her. The Sun UK says…

ANGELINA JOLIE and BRAD PITT have opened up about their sex life again – saying they get intimate in LOTS of different places.
Last week Brad revealed that a secret grotto behind the waterfall in their pool was “a great place for sex”.
But Angie revealed that it was just one of many.
“We’ve got a few special places, you know? You keep it going.”
Brad laughingly added: “”There is an old Hollywood property just a few minutes away. It has a grotto there. The rumour is Jimi Hendrix spent some time there.”

I have no idea what the hell they’re talking about, but whatever. Whenever and wherever she wants to have sex would be fine with me. A waterfall, a grotto or a cage filled with lions – the answer is “yes”. Crime scene? Hospital? Morgue? Yes. Yes. Yes. She could just gesture to a graveyard as we drove by and I would dig up the recently dead and use them to prop up her ass if that’s what she wanted. Who cares, just as long as I get to hump her.

hot bitch in a bikini…

Ashley Hartman is in Hawaii today, looking terrific in this kick ass bikini. If you don’t remember, she used to be on the “O.C.”, but unfortunately things have been a little quiet since then. I offered to make a sex tape with her to get some publicity but she said no and that things like that were beneath her. It was sad really. Seems like Ashley has a lot of growing up to do.

anna-lynne mccord is smart…

Anna-Lynne McCord spent another day in a bikini yesterday in Malibu, prancing around and huddling together with her sister and a friend. This is going in the right direction. She looks terrific every single time, but she’s in a bikini so often that I’m getting desensitized to her innocent frolicking. These three better start pulling at each others tops and giggling immediately.

gemma atkinson is a good model…

Model Gemma Atkinson and her new boyfriend Liam Richards (not pictured) are in the Caribbean this week, and I have no idea who the hell Liam Richards is, but he should walk around taking pictures of every thing he sees and cherishing every moment, because this is undoubtedly the best week of his life. Maybe he can fuck a golden beam of sunlight or a big box filled with diamonds one day, but other than that, Gemma Atkinson is pretty much the best thing on earth.

look tits…

Keeley Hazell hasn’t been on here in a while, so it’s time to all change that. Especially since she has the greatest pair of tits in the known galaxy. I swear, if my penis got anywhere inside this chick, I’d blow so hard she’d look like a dolphin.

megan fox is stuck up…

I don’t have a homemade Bobba Fett costume, so I didn’t attend Comic Con this year, but Megan Fox did. And Megan Fox in a room full of guys who jack off to anime can’t be good. News.com.au reports:

This year, Johansson was the headliner, promoting Iron Man 2, but it was an appearance by Megan Fox which had the geeks talking after one fan approached the star during a Q&A to promote her new supernatural western Jonah Hex. “My question is for Megan,” the man said. “I have a Sony HVR (video camera). It’s not a true HD, but it gives a pretty good image. Anyway, my question is: I just graduated film school and I’m trying to help my career. I was wondering if you’d be interested in some kind of, like, celebrity sex tape?” With that, a couple of security guards grabbed the fella and took him to an undisclosed location. “Dude, I can’t wait to see what you look like in 30 minutes,” Fox’s co-star, Josh Brolin, quipped as the man was dragged away.

Maybe it was because she was surrounded by dudes with phaser gun keychains and their names written in their underwear or whatever, but she wasn’t like this when we made our sex tape. Of course she was a little timid at first because I had to use a shoehorn to get my penis in her ass, but after a few minutes she started to relax. Her lawyer claims that’s when the alleged ether kicked in. But what does he know of love?

kim kardashian is single…

If you’re a rapper or a marginal NFL player, congrats dude, today is your lucky day! Star Magazine reports:

Kim Kardashian made no secret of her intention to wed her NFL star beau of two years Reggie Bush. But it wasn’t to be. “Kim and Reggie split up today,” her rep Jill Fritzo tells Star. “There was no cheating involved.” Sources tell star the Keeping Up With the Kardashians’ star and the New Orleans Saints running back couldn’t find time for romance due to their busy schedules.

Don’t get excited white dudes. I don’t know if you knew this our not, but Kourtney is the only Kardashian that doesn’t like black guys. Kim and Kong have gotten off more black dudes than Abraham Lincoln, so sorry about your luck, man. If you’re white, and you somehow find your penis in Kim’s mouth, you might want to cover your ears. Because it will be obvious at that point that The Jigsaw Killer is about to give her instructions.