I would rather investigate gunfire from my childs bedroom than whether or not Lady GaGa has a penis, especially since this quote is at least a year old. But for whatever reason it’s been rediscovered and is everywhere today, so this is what she allegedly once said.
“It’s not something that I’m ashamed of, just isn’t something that I go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but I consider myself a female. It’s just a little bit of a penis and really doesn’t interfere much with my life. The reason I haven’t talked about it is that it’s not a big deal to me. Like come on, it’s not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I’m sexy, I’m hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big fucking deal.”
I don’t know where this notion came from that I have some roster of noteworthy hermaphrodites, but I have no idea if she has a penis or not. The gif is from this video and everyone says you can see it there. People on her message board have talked about it, but finding a reputable source is tough. Especially since I barely even tried.
Lots of websites have posted it but sometimes the internet lies. Like once someone broke into my house and I was very frightened so I signed up for BigTitPatrol.com. The website claims they’re “enforcing the law with big natural tits”, but if you read the fine print you’ll discover these girls have no actual legal authority. This despite countless pictures that clearly show them sexily arresting people. The whole thing is very deceptive.
There have been quiet rumors for a while now that Jessica Simpson has always been an undercover alcoholic, so of course one of the first few times she goes out after she got dumped she got completely shitfaced. But let’s not get carried away. A drunk Southern blonde chick with big tits is only a danger to herself. And my heart.
The Quentin Tarantino / Brad Pitt WWII movie “Inglourious Basterds” had it’s Berlin premiere yesterday, and that’s not just an unfortunate picture of Pitt at the after-party up top. OK! says he and beer were there until around 2am. Your liver turns black if you drink too much. Maybe if he keeps going Angelina will adopt it.
Dr. Drew Pinsky, the host of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, is worried about Lindsay Lohan. From an interview with Parade:
“I’m convinced that she’ll get sober one day. But I’m afraid that between now and then, she may get a nearly mortal wound of some type. I’m really convinced that something horrible is going to have to happen to her before she really gets over it and embraces sobriety. She needs to give it up. And it’s going to be a while before she does. I have this image that she’s going to lose a limb or something before she does. And it scares me.”
I hope Dr. Drew is psychic, because I think a stubby little arm-stump would look so right on Lindsay, somehow. If I ever saw Lindsay the One-Armed Cokewhore on the street, I’d try to high five her so she’d feel bad about herself. Have you ever seen those awesome ironic amputee tattoos? Well, Lindsay wouldn’t get one, because she isn’t awesome. Look on the bright side though, Lindsay. Maybe Sam Ronson would take pity on you and take you back. Doesn’t Sam look sickly all the time? Like an extra in the Thriller video.
Luckily Lindsay was too, um, “sleepy” to notice that the Maserati on loan to her from a guy who produces porn movies got scratched up by the valet last night in LA. Because if you’re a skinny young nymphomaniac with big tits, it might not be the best idea in the world to get in debt to a porn producer. Unless her plan is to work off the money she owes by blowing guys on tape. And if that’s the case, well then by all means go for it.
It what may be the weirdest thing you read all day, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted and broke the nose of a fashion designer at the Metropolitan Museum gala after-party last night after the designer allegedly…wait for it…knocked Brooke Shields down. TMZ reports:
It happened at an after-party for the Met costume gala last night. We’re told witnesses say the alleged victim — Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough — allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt. A police report was taken and the incident is under investigation.
However, Brooke Shields has another recollection of the incident. It didn’t happen.
Shields’ reps tell TMZ the man Kiefer headbutted last night in no way did anything to Brooke that would have warranted the alleged attack…Brooke’s rep say “nothing happened to her,” adding “Jack did nothing inappropriate. It’s not clear what caused Keifer to do what he did.”…Brooke’s reps tell us Jack, who designs clothes for Brooke, “did absolutely nothing to her.” But here’s where the plot thickens. We asked the rep, “Did Jack touch her?” Their response — “We don’t know.”
Kiefer Sutherland is a legendary drunk lunatic (he is currently on probation for DUI), so there’s no way he was sober for this. Especially since it seems like he went through a lot of work to make a gay dude cry. He didn’t need to resort to violence. If Kiefer wanted to make this designer cry, all he had to do was tell him that somebody in ABBA died.
