lilo’s hard at work…

Since she has no friends, no money, no job, and no dignity, Lindsay Lohan had a birthday party for herself in Vegas at MGM this weekend. Boy, I bet that crowd was pumped. Nothing like going to Vegas to watch a bony coke whore with more dots on her freckled ass than a stack of dot matrix printer paper shuffling back and forth in her panties. I’m not even joking when I say I’d rather watch me being set on fire than watch Lindsay Lohan.

mr blonde is on top of the world…

Actor and brother of actress Virginia Madsen, Michael Madsen has starred in such movies as Reservoir Dogs, Kill Bill, Free Willy, SIn City, and Donnie Brasco. Although he never reached stardom, Madsen invested his money wisely and now lives comfortably with his family at their ostrich and rescued puppy ranch in Montana. Except that last sentence isn’t true. Because in reality, Madsen is $4 million in debt and basically owes money to anybody he’s ever worked with.
TMZ reports:

Nothing ruins a good friendship like money — so it’s safe to say Pierce Brosnan and Quentin Tarantino won’t be talking to Michael Madsen anytime soon. Seems Madsen is in debt to both guys big time. According to bankruptcy documents Madsen filed earlier this month, he owes $25,000 to 007 — but he’s into QT for a cool $1 million! Pierce and QT shouldn’t hold their breath while they wait for the “personal loans” to get paid back.

This dude was kind of a cool mofo in Kill Bill & Reservoir Dogs, so part of me kinda feels sorry for this dude. That’s of course until I realize he probably blew it all on prostitutes and poker. That’s why I’m a big advocate of Thai hookers. They’re cheap and don’t really weigh your trunk down when they can’t handle their blow. I mean, from a pratical consumer standpoint, I think it just makes the most sense.

this is why i wake up in the morning…

Dr. Drew Pinsky, the host of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, is worried about Lindsay Lohan. From an interview with Parade:

“I’m convinced that she’ll get sober one day. But I’m afraid that between now and then, she may get a nearly mortal wound of some type. I’m really convinced that something horrible is going to have to happen to her before she really gets over it and embraces sobriety. She needs to give it up. And it’s going to be a while before she does. I have this image that she’s going to lose a limb or something before she does. And it scares me.”

I hope Dr. Drew is psychic, because I think a stubby little arm-stump would look so right on Lindsay, somehow. If I ever saw Lindsay the One-Armed Cokewhore on the street, I’d try to high five her so she’d feel bad about herself. Have you ever seen those awesome ironic amputee tattoos? Well, Lindsay wouldn’t get one, because she isn’t awesome. Look on the bright side though, Lindsay. Maybe Sam Ronson would take pity on you and take you back. Doesn’t Sam look sickly all the time? Like an extra in the Thriller video.

everyone hates lindsay…

I realize that banner picture of Lindsay is a few weeks old, but when I checked literally 14 different sources, no one really had any new ones. I bet that’s a really good sign for her. So is this:

Lohan is in Paris talking to the House of Emanuel Ungaro about signing on as a “creative consultant” for the fashion line. But the current head designer “…is threatening to leave the company if they bring Lindsay on as a consultant,” said a fashion insider.
According to our source, “Ungaro thinks Lindsay is going to bring the company new energy and new buzz, but she is going to be the nail in the coffin. Nobody will take them seriously ever again.”

Are we doing 2007 over again or is this guy a complete retard. “Energy” and “Buzz” must be code for “Cocaine” and “Pandemonium” because that’s the only thing Lindsay will bring to the company. Not to mention that she’s an idiot. At best her designs would consist of bringing in a magazine and pointing. Then say, “I was thinking something like this, but, ya know, like…” and then she’ll snap her fingers a few times and rock her head side to side. “Like that ya know?”

lilo is disgusting…

Lindsay Lohan is in Paris right now, but police were called to her residence in Hollywood yesterday after her alarm went off. At first, the police thought there was a break in and the intruders destroyed the house. Notice I said “at first”, because as it turns out, her house is always like that. AP reports:

An alarm company notified police that someone tripped an alarm at the house around 3 p.m. in Hollywood. Police determined no one entered the home and nothing was stolen, but the mess inside the starlet’s home prompted officers to ask, “Is it normally like this, or did the intruders do it?” said Los Angeles police Officer Karen Rayner. Lohan was not at home at the time. A message left with Lohan’s publicist Leslie Sloane-Zelnik was not immediately returned Tuesday night.

Sorry if you were thinking Lindsay Lohan lived like Tony Stark with a robot butler or a staff of housekeepers from Ecuador who keep her house pristine and flawless, because if you did, you’re kinda dumb. Lindsay Lohan is a drunk whore who lives off cocaine and semen. At best, her house looks like the the fat guy’s house in Se7en. I wouldn’t have been surprised if this police report included dead cats under the couch and a poem written on the wall in blood.